you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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