so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
