So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
