he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
