someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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