I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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