He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
