Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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