I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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