I wanna bring you to show and tell
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
