It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize