My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
