What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
