dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
