we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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