btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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