I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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