Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize