I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
