Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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