Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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