The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
