I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
