The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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