does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
