I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
