Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're too hungover to prance.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
