i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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