So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
