I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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