Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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