just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize