Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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