One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
