maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
