Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
