Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
