That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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