I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish my penis had a tongue
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
