just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
