I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
