fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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