no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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