Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
