Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
