Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
