im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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