So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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