at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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