was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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