I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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