I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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