Got a toothbrush?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
