Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
