I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
