Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
