Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
