I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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