Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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