It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
