i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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