Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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