just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
