So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
