It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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