where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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