my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
