I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Fuck appropriateness.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
