somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
