She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
