At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we should paint friendship bongs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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