its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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