she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
