It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
