Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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