I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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