They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
