Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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