So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
