Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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