I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
