come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
