I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
