Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
