brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
