At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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