so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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