Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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