Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
