Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
