good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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